Either they go or I go....

[Hoosfoos]

My stash is extensive. I doubt I'll probably be able to build all of them in my lifetime. I keep ordering more with the intention of building them. The pile gets larger. I don't have a hell of a lot of time at the moment to build anything but the intention is always there. I plan to, but the girlfriend doesn't see it that way. She calls it hoarding. Anyway I got the famous line: "What do you love more, the planes or me?"

Seriously, this is filling me with a lot of anxiety. Anybody be able to advise how to fix this?

[Phantom ordie]

Marry her then after awhile she'll be glad you build models.

[Wayne S]

Anyway I got the famous line: "What do you love more, the planes or me?"

That line don't bother me and have not heard it for many years now about anything. My Wife might use the term "Spend more time with"

[Marlin]

Hi,

Is this hobby a real one for you? If it is, then it's a part of you and if she can't take it. Maybe you can explain it to her.

It's something you like to do. It not that exspensive. It's something you can do at home.

When I met my girl (I've married her since that). I had kind of the same problem until I explained what is was all about.

Building history in minature. She was OK with that.

At first I had a "man-cave/study/workroom" or what else ones calls it, but nowadays I do my kits in the livingroom. That way I'm in the room at the same time as the rest of the family.

My wife is in to sewing and knitting and that stuff, I don't care so much about it, but I always look at her stuff. And she does the same for me. I don't think either of us is really interested in each other's stuff but we are at least polite and civil about it.

If you can't compromise, what can you do then?

That just my advice

Best Regards

Bosse from Sweden

[Daryl J.]

Men don't change. The woman who demands a man change for her will continue finding things about him that 'need' changing until she's ruined him. So the collection is too big.....sell some of it, but don't change yourself. It'll only build frustration upon frustration that will eventually bring it all down anyways.

A couple needs to love each other for what they are, not what one wants the other to change into. Or, in other words, my job is to build the woman my wife already is, not to change her. Changing her would be all about 'me'; it needs to be all about 'we'. And that, my boy, is the difference between success and failure.

Daryl J., cruising up on 20 years w/ the same woman and I'm scarcely over 40

[-Gabe-]

Everyone has something unique and peculiar - your girlfirend probably also have something unique . But the point is that you have accepted her and love her the WAY SHE IS... why can't she do the same for YOU? Address this question to her.

Gabe

[Benner]

... you won't get laid with polystyrene model kids.

[kenlilly106]

I agree with what Marlin said, if you're really into it and like it, she needs to accept it, it's part of you.

If she doesn't want to accept it, then the following quote from the late Ike Turner is the best advice:

Show that ho, the do', fo' sho'

Ken

[skidbuggy]

... you won't get laid with polystyrene model kids.

Having a girlfriend doesn't always guarantee you'll get laid either.

Edited September 20, 2009 by skidbuggy

[Zactoman]

I agree with the others.

It's your hobby and something you are passionate about.

As for buying too many kits, for some that's just as important a part of the hobby as building them.

If you enjoy buying kits and can afford them then continue to do so.

Don't think of it as a stash but rather a collection and in the case of some kits (and particularly aftermarket) an investment.

If the 'collection' gets too big and it starts to bother you then sell some of the ones that don't interest you as much anymore.

[richter111]

My first X wife actually began busting the kits I built. She saw it as a childish thing, not as a hobby, not as a source of relaxation.

My second X wife went nuts if I had over 2 or 3 kits in the house. She always went off about how much they were, keep in mind at this time I was spending a max of 20-30 on a kit. She would go to the bars and blow a couple of hundred, and her gambling problem set us back several hundred a month, not to mention her bi-polar swings which went into the ridiculous.

(300 pairs of jeans, 36 pairs of shoes, 23 pairs of fuzzy slippers) you get the idea

My current wife does not have a problem with it.

By the way I did not divorce them over the kits, the first two were seriously monogamy challenged, the second one set new records in debauchery.

[Mark M.]

Ask yourself why you're buying all these kits you know in the back of your mind you'll never build.

My mother is a huge packrat, keeping trash and garbage for 10 years after it should have been thrown out, only finally giving in after the entire family as one unites to tell her she needs to get rid of something.

Ask yourself why you are buying all these kits. Do you regularly go through your stash and pull out a 10-year-old kit, and say "Ah, just the thing!!" and then build it?

Or do you buy without considering, for the experience/feeling of purchasing it? Say you have 10x 10-year old kits in the stash, but you buy a new one for 3x as much money... Then you should consider changing.

If you actually USE the stash, if you feel it's a handy way of always having what you want to build, stand your ground.

If you (like many others) simply "buy for the sake of buying" then perhaps you should consider getting rid of a lot of it, slowing down on kit purchasing, and so forth.

The hobby is "model building" not "model hording" IMO. Figure out which side you fit into, and then you'll know where to go from there.

[mlicari]

Building and collecting are two related elements of scale modeling, IMO. Nobody's collection of anything "makes sense" to other people. But, a collection of model kits brings joy to me just like someone else's collection of coins, stamps, die-cast cars, etc...

If building and collecting model kits is one of your passions, you need to dump her. You'll never be happy because she'll never be happy with your hobby. If she can't accept you for who you are then get rid of her and find somebody that's more mature. And let's remember that our hobby is VERY benign...it's not drinking, or gambling, or even that expensive...like golf or model railroading).

Good luck!

Mike

[Aaronw]

Just tell her you are thinking about collecting cars, the 1-1 type. She will be happy just to have a closet filled with kits instead of a yard filled with clunkers.

Really though as others have said, point out that it is a cheap, quiet hobby that keeps you at home. There are many more expensive hobbies that involve you getting home late at night and have a much higher chance of getting into trouble.

[Mr Sworld]

How many pairs of shoes does she have?

[Moose135]

"What do you love more, the planes or me?"

I'm going to miss her...

[Pickles]

She's probably right. She said your "hoarding", not "building". She might see something you don't. If you started building from that stash, as opposed to dumping more on it, she may come around. Relationships are more important than plastic. What's more important to you? I don't think she dislikes your hobby, but I'm sure she'd like to see some results.

My 1 cent.

[PlasticWeapons]

Gee, I guess you haven't seen this thread from Hyperscale!

Wife Threw Away My Models..

[ChernayaAkula]

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." Attributed to Albert Einstein

<...> Anyway I got the famous line: "What do you love more, the planes or me?" <...>

Tell her that this time you will consider doing something about the stash. But also tell her that the next time she poses this question again, you'll go for the kits.

In general, I guess it's not just about kits. All kinds of situations could lead to this kind of blackmail. So it's probably best to stop this sort of thing dead in its tracks. Once you give in, she might go the same route whenever she sees fit.

[SBARC]

When you do divorce this woman many years from now.....you will think back to that time she was your girlfirned and asked you to make a choice between the kits or her.

My girlfriend once threatened to leave me if I bought a new motorbike......she is now my wife. I bought the bike 3 weeks later.....I still have it. We weren't living together at the time and it was my cash to spend. Apparently she was bluffing about leaving me.......I really didn't care......it was up to her to decide if she was going to leave or not......I was fine with either outcome.........there are plenty more women on this planet. If you like this girl so much....then change yourself to suit her whims.....but understand her whims will change from month to month.......you will NEVER satisfy her latest whim. She either likes you or she doesn't like you......if she likes you....she will accept you for what you are.........if she doesn't like you.....then it is time for her to find a guy she likes more than you.

This is her choice....not yours....time for her to decide what she wants.

[PNW_Modeler]

My wife tried that on me once.

I calmly got up, took her hand and walked her to her closet and asked her "Which one do you love more, shoes or me?" Last time that conversation ever came up.

'nuff said. Excelsior!

[madmike]

I made the mistake of stopping building models to please my first wife. That and other things I stopped.

We divorced in 1994 and I swore then that if I was to remarry or be involved in a long term relationship then she would be told upfront that I have hobbies and they are part of being me. If she could not cope with that notion then the relationship would end at that point. I was not going to reduce my interests totally in an attempt to please another person again.

My wife Lorraine supports my hobby in every way, is a fantastic model builder/figure painter herself and an active/valued member of our hobby club SMCWA.

:wub:

MikeJ

[WymanV]

Never ever EVER get involved with a woman who doesn't respect your hobby. That's a sure sign she doesn't respect you and a recipe for disaster down the road.

Ken ('nuff said)

[Wayne S]

My wife tried that on me once.

I calmly got up, took her hand and walked her to her closet and asked her "Which one do you love more, shoes or me?" Last time that conversation ever came up.

'nuff said. Excelsior!

I never asked her what she loves more. The conversation came up because of cars, she said I loved cars more then her. I told her I love both, but love both differently.

Conversation went on for a wile, then I asked her if she wants to have sex with her mother.

A hobby should not run anyones life, one needs to learn how to use their time. Same thing with money. Money should not be a problem with a hobby if you have your own play/hobby money. How you or the other half spends theirs it up-to them.

If she thinks you are making a mess or being a pack rat or what ever, and in your mind you kind of see it to.

Then setup a designated area that is your space. If you run out of space, then you have to much crap and it is your problem not the other persons.

[evilmedic13]

If it's an ultimatum, leave now. It only gets worse, I've seen it enough. Whenever it's happened to me, off they went! I refused to deal with someone that thibks control is part of a relationship. That's why I was 35 when I got married to a great gal.

This year I bought a new motorcycle, BMW R1200GS Adventure, and rode it to Alaska in June. Not a big deal normally for some,but my son was born July 28th, do the math. I even asked her a dozen times if she was sure she was okay with my trip that late in her pregnancy about a dozen times a week. She said the same thing everytime "You've been planning this trip for years, if you don't do it now you'll kick yourself the rest of your life.So quit asking me, and go." That's why I'm glad I waited.

Never "settle" and you'll be happier than you know. I am.