"It's not my first language."

[Bonehammer73]

Stemming from the 'misheard lyrics' thread, a few anecdotes I picked up from my experiences abroad... sometimes it's pronounciation, sometimes it's homophony, sometimes it's being too lazy to open a dictionary.

One day I was sitting all grumpy at the meeting table and a colleague tried to cheer me up with some herbal tea.

I told her if she wanted me to drink her tea, perhaps it was better not to state in advance it was horrible.

I used to pronounce dough as rhyming with tough. So my interlocutor was rather puzzled at hearing me describe a person with a daft-like complexion.

And the clerk in that Florida supermarket probably will tell her grandkids about the crazed banana-toting Italian woman in cowboy hat and combat jacket who stepped up to her and asked, "Where's the cash?" (I had mixed it up with counter).

You guys have it easy - before you even start school you already know most of the English you need.

Edited May 16, 2010 by Bonehammer73

[Murph]

My hovercarft is full of eels.

[madcow]

The Italian man who went to Malta. Old, but still hilarious

Ricardo

[GreyGhost]

Yeah but you can order at an Italian restaurant with style and grace ...

Gregg

[Kevan Vogler]

I teach English as a second language, I hear just about any kind of error you can imagine from students of my language on a daily basis.

However, when I'm not teaching, I'm trying very hard to muddle my way through Czech. That more people haven't been locked up in mental hospitals for trying to learn this language and it's dizzyingly rich vocabulary and intensive grammar is a miracle in itself.

Here's an early example of one of my errors in Czech. If it makes you feel better about your English, that's great:

It was actually my first trip to a supermarket here and I had only my pocket phrase book to guide me. I had found everything I needed, but wanted to buy some fruit too. After looking at a bunch of signs that I didn't really understand, I found a grocery clerk and probably made her day. The conversation went like this:

Me: "Dobry den, prosim vas, hledam ovce."

Clerk: "Prosim!? Neprodate ovce."

Me: "Toto je supermarket, ale nemate ovce jako pomeranc a jablko?"

Clerk: "Aha! Hledate ovoce! Pojte!

The translation:

Me: "Good day, I'm looking for sheep please."

Clerk: "Pardon me!? We don't sell sheep."

Me: "This is a supermarket, but you don't have sheep like orange and apple?"

Clerk: "Aha! You're looking for fruit! Come this way!

I imagine I was the source of much humour around the coffee room there for a while. I'm surprised I wasn't guided to the meat section actually.

But it gives me a great story to tell that people love hearing and I've never made a mistake with the subtle difference between sheep and fruit in this country.

[RedHeadKevin]

Me: "Good day, I'm looking for sheep please."

Clerk: "Pardon me!? We don't sell sheep."

Could have been worse, you could have been at a brothel.

I have a student in my algebra class whose first language is Spanish. At first I didn't know what she meant when she said "E equals m x plus b" but no, that's how she pronounces the letter "y"

[VADM Fangschleister]

The English and The Americans.

Two people separated by a common language

Lorry

p-issed

fags

mad

Once when I was a kid in Bristol, I went to the candy shop and asked for "malt balls" (malted milk balls) and the shopkeeper said he didn't have any mothballs.

My aunt Elsie finally figured out I wanted "maltesers"

Also:

"Would you like someone to knock you up in the morning?"

Ans: "I dunno, it depends on who's asking."

And it goes on and on. Then, throw an Aussie or especially a Scot into the mix and you'll have a fight.

[Flankerman]

I've told this before - on here - but it bears repeating.

Re the difference between US & English English.....

An American friend was describing how her 16 year old daughter was all grown up, was losing her puppy fat and had firm buttocks.

'Yeah - she has a real tight fanny now'......

She was horrified when I explained what that mean over here.

Then there was my Russian friend who had read in a book about a woman who told her husband not to buy a particular overcoat - because it made him look like a 'flasher'.

He though it meant he was 'flashy' - until I explained the difference.

Ken

PS - I can supply explanantions for non-native speakers if needed.

Edited May 16, 2010 by Flankerman

[Yuri]

A friend once told me he went to London for the high school last year holiday...

He was with a friend and they went to MacDonalds, and the other guy, wanting a "Chicken Dore" (not so used to McD, I guess it's a breaded chicken) asked a "Kitchen Door"

I can just wonder about the waiter's face.....

[I love airbrushing]

I'm not sure if this fits in here, but if I were to translate the original English phrase "Turn off/on the lights" from my native language directly into English, word by word, I'd get "Open/close the lights". I still use it more than often in public