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At this time, I am announcing my candidacy for the office of President of the United States.

Unlike the other candidates I'm paying for my own campaign so I won't owe any favours to special interest groups once elected. I will be running as a third party candidate because we've had Republican Presidents & Democratic Presidents yet we still don't have flying cars or sexy robot maids.

I choose to run because I want an America where a fried chicken sandwich is bread then chicken then more bread - not chicken, bacon & more chicken. We should be doubling down on education and the arts not on heart disease and sadness. I believe in a simpler America, an America where MTV plays music videos, not reality shows about knocked-up and drunk teenagers. I believe in equal rights for all. Straight, gay, mutant or android you should be able to marry whomever you love. I believe that airplanes should have stripper poles, not roll down windows. It's time this great nation had a President who knows where all the Warp Zones in Super Mario Bros are. It's time this great nation had a President who can invite Katy Perry to a party without looking old and confused about who she is. Vote for a President who won't lie about sleeping with super models, but will straight up brag about it because my sex scandals would be awesome. Because the TV movie about my Presidency would win all the Emmy Awards AND include me fighting a Mole People invasion. Because America needs someone who can put Justin Bieber in his place.

I believe in America. I believe it has the best hamburgers and the sexiest women. Yet it can be even better if you vote STARK 2012.

If elected President, I'll stop North Korea from developing weapons of mass destruction and South Korea from remixing "Gangnam Style." I will enact emergency legislation to ensure we get a sixth season of Breaking Bad and ensure that Doctor Who doesn't make anyone else cry. I promise to lower Hulk attacks 12% in my first year in office and if elected I will immediately deploy FEMA to assist in repairing Hulk damage. Health Care Platform? I promise more funding for more doctors and more nurses. Sexy sexy nurses. I'll go to the U.N. and demand an apology from Latveria for the actions of Dr. Doom. I'll let the owner of any pizza place hug me and if they're boycotted I'll buy all their pizzas myself.

We've had Presidents that were geniuses, Presidents that were billionaires, Presidents that were playboys and Presidents that were philanthropists. It's time for America to have a President that is all of these and more, more than the sum of those parts. My opponents say they're tough on crime, but how many bank robberies have they stopped? How many villains have they personally put in jail? This summer both Batman & I both almost got blown up by nuclear bombs. He retired to Europe. I had Shawarma and went right back to kicking ***. The Republicans want to save America from aliens from Mexico. I've already saved America from aliens from SPACE. Has Romney ever thrown a nuclear missile at an alien invasion fleet? Has Obama ever blown up a flying robot snake from the inside? Both the Democrats and Republicans have had their turns in the White House. It's time for an Avenger. Your choice is clear: STARK 2012 because Snooki isn't going to exile herself to Canada.


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2) What..sending Snooki here is revenge for Celine? That just aint right.

And Nickelback and Bieber, not to mention Logan's shedding all over Avengers Tower plus tearing up the place when he gets drunk.

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Can you keep "The Walking Dead" running too? If you can do that along with all that other stuff you said that my attention deficit brain can't remember then you had me at hello!

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Can you keep "The Walking Dead" running too? If you can do that along with all that other stuff you said that my attention deficit brain can't remember then you had me at hello!

Right now, that one looks like it'll be around for a while. Kirkman's still got plenty of source material out there for them to draw upon, so as long as they don't have another slow burn like last season and they get rid of Lorie, they should be good to go.

Now, keeping Carl in the damn house? Yeah, we're going to assign some SHIELD agents to do just that.

Hell, any chance of relocating to the UK and sorting us out over here while you're at it?!

First of all, nice job on the Olympics this summer. :thumbsup:

I think you guys need give Harry a chance. Yeah, he's made some mistakes, largely, public. But think about it; doesn't he seem like the kind of fun guy you'd want as a figurehead?

Whom would you rather have visit you when you're ill? William, who will bring you a card "signed by everyone in the office" signed by half the people in the office, or Harry, who will make balloons for you out of latex gloves and dress up in scrubs and pretend he's a doctor so he can sit in on your surgery and "keep an eye on things" even though you've begged him not to?

Whom would you rather have attending diplomatic functions? William, whose nervous, quiet laughter echoes so hollowly in marble ballrooms, or Harry, who can cajole the heads of warring nations to arm wrestle just by yelling "This one's for the Facebook!"

In fact, once Harry's king, why not go ahead and give him absolute power? What's the worst he's gonna do? "SHOTS. It's the law." (That's not even a sentence, Harry) He'd probably retain the entire Parliament as a "panel of advisors," but every once in a while the entire UK would be treated to a mandatory "wear your pajamas to work day" courtesy of King Henry.

Whether he's playing "strip pool" in Vegas, challenging Olympic gold medalists to swimming races in jeans, or making sex faces at William every time he stands behind Kate Middleton, he's just doing what any of us would do if we were a prince. Or Prince.

He's already King of the Kids. Now make him King of England.

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Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?

I once had an investment in a shrimping boat company. They did pretty well one year when a hurricane wiped out their competition. I think they've got some restaurant franchises now.

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