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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

Money is the root of all wealth.

I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give her a nasty look, but she already had one.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

Edited by Scott R Wilson
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Every one a gem! :thumbsup:/>

I got a chuckle or ten out of those too. A friend, Stephan Miller, sent them to me. I don't know if he originated them or found them someplace. He's got a good enough sense of humor that I could easily believe he came up with some or even all.

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