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A Warning to Moai Vincent


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That's so good I think my nose is bleeding. Indeed, I'm hearing a winner of the 2011 CoV's Bruce Campbell Prize, awarded for stunningly entertaining media that really didn't come from somewhere high profile and/or budget.

Of course, the prize consists of a cheaply made plaque, crafted by a shop who's cash cow is elementary school soccer trophies. And we don't have a cash stipend with it, either. Just a twenty dollar gift certificate to Rax restaurants. Which may or may not be still in business.

But still. Though CoV's budget is small, our love of innovative music and video is big.

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That's so good I think my nose is bleeding.

I think we've stumbled upon a new unit of measuring success: the Fishwelding Nosebleed Index.

So many of our greater discoveries, inventions and campaign wins have been the result of "stumbling upon" them; I've decided that my pre-CoV work routine will now consist of a "milkshake" made from ice cream, peanut butter, milk, Kahlúa and vodka with a dash of peyote thrown in for flavor. Those Moai ice cubes may come in handy too.

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"You know, this is the part of the day that I look forward to the most. When I know there's something bizarre out there, I just don't know what it is. Like a grab bag of disturbing events."

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Fishwelding field tests the milkshake

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Waco approves

Edited by Trigger
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Candymakers: Really? "Fun size" is what you call your smallest size package of candy?

Stop that. You're fooling no one, and it's embarrassing watching you try.

Because we all know "fun size" is the biggest, most gluttonous bar or bag of candies you sell. If you sold chocolate by the 55 gallon drum, or 90 pound sack, or pallet-sized cargo bin, that would be fun size.

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Itunes self-destructed on my PC. Now I know that if I brought the issue up with any of the involved companies, there'd be a shouting match between Apple and Microsoft for who's at fault. Still, it's odd that a piece of software, apropos of nothing else, simply destroys itself.

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NOT EVERY PC CAN HANDLE THE MAJESTY OF CELINE DION.

MOAI VINCENT HAS SPOKEN.

Look, we 'burghers import our hockey players from Canada, but not our musicians.

Well...there was a girl on the bus the other day kickin' it to old-school Alanis Morrisette. Strange, too, as I judged her to be of an age to be too young during Alanis' height of popularity.

Way too loud, incidently, if it was coming out around her headphones, still audible over the din of the bus's diesel power plant. It's one of those moments where everyone else in proximity is more or less thinking the same thing. Really? Alanis? Weren't you like eight years old when Jagged Little Pill appeared?!

Edited by Fishwelding
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The Pennsylvania Turnpike's automatic toll-collection system returns only nickels as change.

PA Turnpike, your tolls are so high now that it's genuinely debatable whether or not you should even be still trying to collect it in coinage. Then, you return the second-lowest denomination as change. I get it: you're trying to force people onto the automatic payment system. But your commitment to petty evil is impressive. You're like the Borg of Annoyance. The Necromongers of mild antagonism. The Galactic Empire of simple harassment. You don't depopulate planets, butcher or enslave millions, crush whole societies, but instead just whittle away at our patience with astonishing tenacity.

(You caught that Chronicles of Riddick reference in there? Yea, I try to help that franchise out where I can).

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Fish:

Go live and fumble with your change. Trust me those toll takers love that! Ever since the Virginia Beach Nats I avoid the Pike and the Twilight-esk town Breezewood like the plague!

Mark S.

It is amusing how what was regarded, upon it's substantial completion in the 1940s as a "wonder of the world," has now become a political peculiarity that had spawned something like Breezewood. It would attract even more attention for it's bizarre political nature, were not the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board out in front for that distinction. That little gem, with their collection of retail state stores and increasingly bizarre dispensing machines in supermarkets, is truly like something out of Science Fiction. Think Logan's Run, or...Wizard of Oz.

I saw one of these machines before reading about their wonky procedure (breathelizer, mysterious, remote bureaucrat judging from afar), and it gave me that uneasy feeling, the same you might get from seeing a gigantic industrial farming combine operate up close. Ostensibly it's not dangerous, but there's something vaguely disturbing and malevolent about it's size and imposing potential.

Edited by Fishwelding
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Ugh... Breezewood.... I go through there once a month on my way up to fly....

You should probably get some sort of ribbon for that. It's a hardship. The ribbon would be "poorly-patched Asphalt Gray" with two inner yellow strips, two white outer. The medal would have, in place of a bronze medallion, a clear orange construction-zone blinker-light.

Kidding aside, the 'Pike is bad in places, but the worst for me was driving over I-78 into the Lehigh Valley. It's like the locals were trying to keep 'foreigners' away with horrendous roads.

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YOUR MOAI HAS OFTEN SHOPPED AT THE STATE STORES. THEY HAVE A FINE SELECTION OF WINE.

MD 20/20 IS A FAVORITE OF THE MOAI.

MOAI VINCENT HAS SPOKEN.

Haven't sampled "Delaware I-95?" I hear it's a...somewhat local vintage, not carried by the PLCB.

Of course, in the central part of Pennsylvania--"Beyond Thunderdome,"--where there's local varieties also not available through the Prevention of Lewdness and Curbing of Bawdiness department.

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Chrome the browser is fast, but for that reason, needlessly impatient. Pandora's a little slow loading the first song upon opening, and Chrome is busy shouting: "It's stopped! Not working! Fail! FAIL! Would you like to me to kill it? I'll do it! I'll kill it!"

Easy, there, Chrome. Yea, Flash can get behind now and again, but your ruthlessness is reminiscent of 1990s security software.

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