Either they go or I go....

[cksh]

Marry her then after awhile she'll be glad you build models.

Thats what I did! For the most part I think it worked.

You have to throw it back at them too. "You don't support my hobby? why? don't you love me?"

My wife actually feels guilty about me being in the basement all alone working on models while she is upstairs watching TV. At the same time I feel guilty leaving her alone. But if all we are gonna do is watch TV then I would rather go to my cave and build something. But sometimes I will sit with her and read while she watches TV. Then she asks why I am not in the basement :)

For the most part we are a couple that can spend time apart. As long as that time apart isn't more than a staircase away lol.

[VRFlyer]

My wife actually feels guilty about me being in the basement all alone working on models while she is upstairs watching TV. At the same time I feel guilty leaving her alone. But if all we are gonna do is watch TV then I would rather go to my cave and build something. But sometimes I will sit with her and read while she watches TV. Then she asks why I am not in the basement :)

And that's when you say "Because I wanted to spend some time with you, Sweetie!". They like when you say that.

[niart17]

when i told my wife about this thread (i occasionally ask her opinion about things discussed here) her thoughts were and i quote "unless this is something like a drug addiction where it is controlling every aspect of his life and he's selling organs to get money for kits, then she needs to just chill or take a hike". can't be any more plain than that. but i agree, if there really is some problem and you're spending ALL of your time and ALL of your money on your hobby and that's what your girlfriend is seeing and trying to help you get out of, that's one thing. but if you like most everyone here has a hobby they take serious, but not to the point of it running their lives. then she just needs to accept it. if or when you get married, it's a little different because then it becomes a matter of family financing and you should decide together what's acceptable spending on both sides of the table.

that's my two cents anyway. (i had to borrow one cent from the wife though :) )

Bill

[Wayne S]

when i told my wife about this thread (i occasionally ask her opinion about things discussed here) her thoughts were and i quote "unless this is something like a drug addiction where it is controlling every aspect of his life and he's selling organs to get money for kits, then she needs to just chill or take a hike". can't be any more plain than that. but i agree, if there really is some problem and you're spending ALL of your time and ALL of your money on your hobby and that's what your girlfriend is seeing and trying to help you get out of, that's one thing. but if you like most everyone here has a hobby they take serious, but not to the point of it running their lives. then she just needs to accept it. if or when you get married, it's a little different because then it becomes a matter of family financing and you should decide together what's acceptable spending on both sides of the table.

that's my two cents anyway. (i had to borrow one cent from the wife though :) )

Bill

Another words

I she trying to control a situation, he is not willing to control himself.

Or is she controlling him.

[Huey Gunner]

I with the majority here.

Men marries a woman hoping she'll never change.

Women marries a man hoping to change him.

She's not for you.

[The_Animal]

I guess I could say that I have been extremely lucky to have Heather (Animals_Woman). Not only does she share my passion (albeit slightly less intense than mine) for model-building/hoarding. She also shares my passion for photography although the fact that I seem to catch onto photography concepts a lot quicker than her is a constant source of aggravation for her.

She does want to get me a desk where I can do my model-building (right now, I'm confined to the dinner table. And due to the size of the place, we're out of luck on the "man-cave" bit, but between rattle-can blasting outside (for painting) and painting "fiddley bits" at the kitchen table, I seem to be doing alright.

Like Madmike, I'm lucky to have a wife who shares my passions and I consider myself very, very lucky to have found her.

[afspret]

If the keys to a good relationships are compromising and changing, why is it the guy is the only one who has to do all the compromising and changing?!?!?!

[Wayne S]

If the keys to a good relationships are compromising and changing, why is it the guy is the only one who has to do all the compromising and changing?!?!?!

Who said she didn't compromise or change?

[Hoosfoos]

It was a long time ago that I posted this topic. Here's what happened. I struck a deal with her to keep her happy. I told her that I would only buy one kit a month, and with that one kit, I would get rid of two that I knew I wasn't going to build. She seemed happy with the compromise. I even stuck to even more disciplined terms that i had offered at the time, while we were together. I even bought her flowers and some vintage books as a gift for her at that juncture to show her that I cared for her.

Over time, her alcohol consumption and verbal and emotional abuse escalated, and talking to her about it and trying to get her to see my point of view was futile.

We broke up after a horrendous episode of drunken abuse that she she laid out on me. I was devastated.

In light of what I went through, I was doing all the compromising and being flexible with my issues, while she refused to change any of her behavior for the good of the relationship.

I'm back to buying a kit any time that I want, whatever the price.

I won't try to be so accommodating with the next woman.

[SBARC]

Be thankful you got out early before kids were involved.

[gmat]

I wouldn't abandon that approach, the next woman might be different and commitment to show that she is appreciated/respected is still a good policy. In a similar position in Japan. I've had wholesale discarding of books and models many times, from when we moved or when my junk overflowed. I'll never be able to get some stuff that I've discarded, but we are still together.

With advancing age and income way down, I've tempered my acquisition tendencies and learned to live with less. Thank God that I've always been a 72nd person.

Best wishes,

Grant

[DutyCat]

Having a girlfriend doesn't always guarantee you'll get laid either.

...nor does having a wife. Women use it as a control mechanism, sometimes without realizing it. That old saying, "If the woman of the house is not happy, NO ONE is happy" is very true. Men look at is a primary function, ...a basic duty. We are simple machines in that sense......like robots walking around...."MUST INSEMINATE" (repeat in mechanical voice).

Seriously, though...hobbies, money and time spent pleasuring yourself will always be a balancing act in a relationship because women are generally very family oriented. Much of what does it for them is being around and caring for family and being cared for. The more time and money you spend on yourself, the more potential for grief. Guys can do their own thing no problem and generally have no issue with spouse doing the same. If she runs off shopping, it is an opportunity for "me " time. But that is not generally what women want. They want you to do things with them (including dragging you to the mall). Put in the required "family togetherness" time, and you might get lucky. Do your own thing too much, then come around looking to perform your "primary biological function" and, well, it may not happen. She will view it as another selfish indulgence.

Regarding money and the stash, I am at the point where I can say, "I am 50 years old. I can buy what I want to buy, as long as its not hundreds of dollars worth of stuff at a pop." If I want to go into the LHS and drop $30-$50 on a kit/supplies, I don't even ask. The only thing I consulted her on recently was an H&S airbrush and compressor set I bought at JaxCon.

I will say this....if a you are dating and you feel a woman has controlling tendencies....then when you get married it will only get worse! So next time, be firm up front! Look at all those kits you lost trying to save your relationship.

Edited July 22, 2010 by DutyCat

[Kalashnikov-47]

Mandie and I got married this past summer, and she has her own kit stash (albeit only a quarter the size of mine.) She's also current president of our local IPMS chapter, and we've been to seven of the last eight IPMS National Conventions together.

SN

:D

[jbrundt]

It was a long time ago that I posted this topic. Here's what happened. I struck a deal with her to keep her happy. I told her that I would only buy one kit a month, and with that one kit, I would get rid of two that I knew I wasn't going to build. She seemed happy with the compromise. I even stuck to even more disciplined terms that i had offered at the time, while we were together. I even bought her flowers and some vintage books as a gift for her at that juncture to show her that I cared for her.

Over time, her alcohol consumption and verbal and emotional abuse escalated, and talking to her about it and trying to get her to see my point of view was futile.

We broke up after a horrendous episode of drunken abuse that she she laid out on me. I was devastated.

In light of what I went through, I was doing all the compromising and being flexible with my issues, while she refused to change any of her behavior for the good of the relationship.

I'm back to buying a kit any time that I want, whatever the price.

I won't try to be so accommodating with the next woman.

It's probably best it happened now rather than later. Especially if you got married and kids were involved.

Hopefully you've learned a lot from this to make your next relationship better.

[loftycomfort]

I have my model stash, and my wife has her designer handbag stash, so we're equal.

Terry

[Jinxter13]

Over time, her alcohol consumption and verbal and emotional abuse escalated.............

I'm saddened to hear that your relationship didn't work out, however you can now see the reason for her ultimatum.....or at least it looks as though you were limiting her drinking by taking what could have been for booze and buying silly :D toy airplanes, or not going drinking with her. Whose obsession was worse, I've never seen a model go into a drunken tirade, or have a hangover.

[Mark M.]

Even people with their own issues can point out problems once in a while.

I would seriously consider if you are hoarding and if you enjoy just the thrill of the buy or the subject of the buy. Have you fondled every kit in your stash?

You know they say studies show the same chemical reaction in your brain that you get with impulse buying can be replicated by closing your eyes and imagining you purchase the item, rather than actually purchasing the item.

Overall I'm against hording simply because it's wasteful of material, space, money, time, and effort. The other side is that if you are really building, if you are getting some tactile experience with these kits, if you're drooling over the plastic while you look through them, then you're getting more than just the "buy thrill" and it may serve a purpose up to a point.

There are many kinds of addictions. If you have thousands of kits you openly admit you'll never build and keep buying more steadily I would say (and I don't mean to offend) there is a problem. Those thousands and thousands of dollars could have bought you stocks, bonds, you might have been rich by now, or perhaps therapy to resolve issues (we all have 'em).

I don't mean to pick on you or anyone who feels in the same boat, I'm just stating that overall it's probably a sign of something else. Buying for the sake of buying is a bad precedent and a bad habit. Buying with actual plans is a much better situation. The line between the two often gets blurred and then left behind.

[George Creed]

My stash is extensive. I doubt I'll probably be able to build all of them in my lifetime. I keep ordering more with the intention of building them. The pile gets larger. I don't have a hell of a lot of time at the moment to build anything but the intention is always there. I plan to, but the girlfriend doesn't see it that way. She calls it hoarding. Anyway I got the famous line: "What do you love more, the planes or me?"

Seriously, this is filling me with a lot of anxiety. Anybody be able to advise how to fix this?

Pay attention to everyone on this board who is giving you advice, but very careful attention to what I say:

first they ask you if it's them or the models

then they may say: "If we get serious you'll stop this stuff"

then they ask you about your friends, especially the ones who build models,

then if you're with her for two years, they ask about the "ring"

then they ask you about direct deposit

then they insure you for a lot of money if you die

ask the married guys, they know what I'm talking about

but if your luckly, she accepts what you do, and while not totally approving she will let you do it, will once per year complement you on it ( just don't enter a contest and win 2nd or 3rd place---she'll call you the first place loser), she'll go with you to one or two shows to learn more ( that's over a long period of time), but as everyone has said, secrectly (especially if she loves you for your prowness in bed, your success at your job, because your a great father) she will accept your hobby, because it beats the alternative of you being a drunken whore monger.

So bottom line, if she does not like your hobby, and you do love your hobby, dump her ----there are a lot of fish in the sea!!!

Unless of course you're a total geek dork ugly fool, then dump the moels and keep her because it's your best shot at free sex. :-)

[George Creed]

It was a long time ago that I posted this topic. Here's what happened. I struck a deal with her to keep her happy. I told her that I would only buy one kit a month, and with that one kit, I would get rid of two that I knew I wasn't going to build. She seemed happy with the compromise. I even stuck to even more disciplined terms that i had offered at the time, while we were together. I even bought her flowers and some vintage books as a gift for her at that juncture to show her that I cared for her.

Over time, her alcohol consumption and verbal and emotional abuse escalated, and talking to her about it and trying to get her to see my point of view was futile.

We broke up after a horrendous episode of drunken abuse that she she laid out on me. I was devastated.

In light of what I went through, I was doing all the compromising and being flexible with my issues, while she refused to change any of her behavior for the good of the relationship.

I'm back to buying a kit any time that I want, whatever the price.

I won't try to be so accommodating with the next woman.

oops !!! ignore my last reply, I replied before I got to the end of the thread (but for those with simlar problems--read my thread).

Anyway, your better off without her, and you still have your stash. Modeling is part of your life, your need to find a woman with a hobby, she will better understand your hobby.

[caudleryan]

... you won't get laid with polystyrene model kids.

I beg to differ.....

RYAN.

[Henrik B]

Even people with their own issues can point out problems once in a while.

I don't mean to pick on you or anyone who feels in the same boat, I'm just stating that overall it's probably a sign of something else. Buying for the sake of buying is a bad precedent and a bad habit. Buying with actual plans is a much better situation. The line between the two often gets blurred and then left behind.

After reading 75% of this thread (I have had a ARC hiatus) I was about to write that, but I see Mark already have.

There is some seriously bad advice in this thread (not to mention, some seem to have serious issues with females and relationships in general) and I say this: It's impossible to know, from the first post, what the situation really was. Reading the last post, I can only congratulate you for getting out from a destructive relationship. But I would urge you to reflect a second on your own behaviour. You may find everything is OK, you may find you have your own issues to work on.

My last girlfriend left me, for an old boyfriend. Seriously bad stuff. BUT, that relationship wasn't very good and after that I looked to myself and tried to see what I did wrong. Regardless of the many things she did wrong, I wasn't completely blameless - I had my faults. Knowing that, I can avoid falling into the same trap again and I'm a better man, and boyfriend, for it. My relationship right now with my current girlfriend is great!

Buying kits - I have a long time ago realized that I buy more than I build, and I have also realized I'm OK with that as I like the act of buying kits. I like researching which kit to buy of a given subject, I like researching decals, accessories, etc. I like finding a great price on the kit, I leven like waiting for it in the mail. I like recieving the kit and I like rummaging through the box... A mild addiction, which is under control! But I don't hide the fact that it IS a mild addiction. I know how I work. Fortunately, I like building them as well!

[kg4kpg]

My wife collects milk glass......so we don't have this discussion. :) Of course, we've been married over 20 years so it's pretty much do whatever the hell you want as long as we can go out for some fun now and then. Good luck to you.

[jbrundt]

Unless of course you're a total geek dork ugly fool, then dump the moels and keep her because it's your best shot at free sex. :-)

Now that's funny!

There is some seriously bad advice in this thread (not to mention, some seem to have serious issues with females and relationships in general) and I say this: It's impossible to know, from the first post, what the situation really was. Reading the last post, I can only congratulate you for getting out from a destructive relationship. But I would urge you to reflect a second on your own behaviour. You may find everything is OK, you may find you have your own issues to work on.

Very true. But we only have the information given by the OP so that's all we can comment on. But you're right, to give a fair assessment and comment BOTH sides of the situation need to be known.

[SBARC]

Unless of course you're a total geek dork ugly fool, then dump the moels and keep her because it's your best shot at free sex. :-) :)

Sex is never free.

[mikeyc5usaf]

Sex is never free. :)

This should be pinned at the top of every section of this forum lol.